my brother just killed himself

I had been waiting to be with him, at least talk to him for three years. He would do anything for us. Dont let her do this to you. At any age, when a child says, "I want to kill myself," the child generally feels she cannot control the situation or the grown-ups, so . It never gets easier and we will never know the Why? Be aware of the pain of your family and friends. he was only seventeen and it hurts it hurts so bad he was basically my older brother and i miss him so much it hurts and then another friend of mine went to prison not long after and it sucks i know i still have friends and all but sometimes all i can think of is when i found out my friend killed himself like i had just gotten a math test and a friend had messaged me and everyone else in the friend group that he was in the hospital and we didnt know if he was dead and all i remember is thinking that he cant be dead no way he always bounces back. I can not believe that some body can make you jump from the rooftop of the 19th floor building. We had no idea. He died from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head just above his right ear. This is normal and valid, but I want you to know: Your boyfriends death was not your fault. I hope my daughter is a peace. I know this now, but it doesnt make it better. His friends where my friends and vice versa. I pray for all of us who are experiencing this nightmare. i was the last thought he had before he pulled the trigger, how can i not hold some sort of blame. I tried and have no guilt feelings because I did all I could for him, but dear God since he died a part of me died too ! (Photo by Jeff Hahne/Getty Images for Spotify) DaBaby's father was killed shortly after the release of his first LP, Baby on Baby, nearly six months earlier. My mom came home after being gone for two days from babysitting for another brother while he and his wife were out of town for a wedding and found him. I guess I will never know, and I have no brain tissue of his to test. One jumped off a bridge and the other hung himself. As a mum I should have done more. Charlotte, Im very sorry for your loss. I could have saved him i know i could of, he messaged me at 04.18 am telling me he loved me. We were together from a young age and he was in and out of substance misuse. You go on for that tiny spark thats inside you. He said that he wanted to die but we never imagined in our dreams that this will actually happen. I had taken care of my little girl for 35 years with his help. This is something I never ever thought of. I cant breathe and I feel so lost . I was not always understanding of him. Goals. hugs I think he very well possibly had some kind of undiagnosed mental illness going on that contributed to it. I am also sorry to hear that you have had poor experiences with mental health professionals. God give me the strength to stand tall and deliver his Eulogy. Rational thinking went out the window and autopilot kicks in. Do not put your family through this. It just gets more and more to be an accepted ne normal. We also had a petty fight that day. He didnt deserve to die like this. I wish we all could have done more. It gives me chills when I think about it. That is beyond comprehension to me. I keep wracking my brain looking for ways to help, but theres not much I can do. We had argued, and I said horrible things. What was it like when your brother committed suicide? - Quora I just hope that all the people who loved him will be okay. You are NOT a mistake. I am 16, my brother is 14, and my sister is 9. Katie, omg your words are so true with what Im going through right now. He said Matt ( my dad, his stepdad) shot himself. I was just stuck. Friday, no changes. Its okay not to be okay. He was supposed to meet me and my parents for a movie and never showed up, we texted him that day and the next couple of days but he never answered. I choose to say he made a unimaginable choice he was in perpetual pain. He had recently had a drug problem. I said okay, I am gonna whip my sons buttI went inside and there was an odor, but thought maybe its the trash. I didnt know what had happened until two weeks later. Its a shit feeling falling into the what could I have done different and Im to blame game. Mental illness is a physical illness and mixed with chronic pain caused him great suffering. I hated the curiosity, the judging, the blaming and the scrutiny that I got from friends and family. Its been a week since she heard and she learned that she replied yes to his date the day after he took his life. The pain is still very raw and fresh. I don't know what to do. Then i heard him put the bullets in the gun and shot himself so quick before could f stop him. My brother died from a gun shot to the head. And that he hid it very well. I was too wrapped up in myself to show my concern and love for my sister and now its too late. Funding cuts to mental health services have done a great disservice to those who seek help before the act. My son passed by suicide . I just feel that I am not doing fine but I would like that no one suffers. I still dont know when or how she took the pills that killed her. Shed built an enormous empire all on her own. My brother shot himself almost two weeks ago and it still feels like I am just raw. But she never left her boyfriend and eventually I moved away and the last time I saw her or spoke to her was 25 years ago. Michelle July 12, 2020 at 1:02 pm Reply. The intention is to replace the existing terminology, mainly the term committed suicide as committed refers to things like crime and religious offenses and contributes to the stigma around suicide. I am devastated that I didnt see this coming. You dont have control over someones life. The movies and music I love come from him, my love of football, Im a huge fan of the Oakland raiders bc of him. To answer your question, I do not know! I have wanted to die so many times I planned to get fentynol to help me. I did not know why, this hurts so bad or if only. My ex took her life on Aug 8th 2020, I dont believe I have actually grieved I tried and was the best mom I could be to our 4 children ranging from 27-19 they found her. Yes he did suffer from anxiety and near the end depression symptoms were present but he was being treated for the best part of a year, including by a psychiatrist, so I thought all was under control. That is the only thing that has helped me move forward in a healthy way. I am devastated. All the things you are feeling are normal after a tragic loss such as this but know this its not your fault and its nobodys fault. We made so many unforgettable memories. What You Need to Know When Your Loved One Commits Suicide Isabelle Siegel January 25, 2021 at 9:52 am Reply. I am getting grief therapy because I dont know how I can handle this pain. I began crying and shaking, I could barely eat anything. This happened over 10 years ago but Im still not.. ok. I am 23 years old, have been to 20 funerals in the past 10 years, and none of them have ever haunted me quite like this. Its overwhelming, most think of anyway to feel relief. Even in elementary school, she had deep cuts in her wrists. After some questioning which kind of turned into arguing. Every time I see someone hold a gun to their head either in a kid or joking. It wasnt him, it was the illness! Frank Schumpert October 18, 2019 at 10:09 pm Reply. You may want to check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-does-grief-feel-like/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-recovery-is-not-a-thing/ Please know that you are not alone in this. No, the family is probably not interested in what their friends and colleagues have to say. You dont live with someone that long and just stop caring about them. I blame her as she has no emotions due to his death. I highly recommend this to be a useful part of support for those left behind. I had my own construction company and 4 people working for me i bought a house just 4 months before they come to visit me, also i decide to buy a new car to my wife because was time to change her old car and buy a mercedes benz (finance of course) i put some down payment and got the car in couples days, she (my sister) was really happy for me and all this beautiful things that happens to me and my family like i said we had a normal life with a normal job working only 8 hours per day and enjoying the Saturday and Sunday all together.. For them our normal life was something like a dream please my friends answer to me this question my brother in law suicide by jumping from 19 floor building he went to the roof and jump, and o course die. Sandra Jennings August 4, 2020 at 2:33 am Reply. His parents split. He paid me alimony uninterrupted until about 8 months ago when he started being late or missing payments. And I dont know her friends from the time period when she died so theres nobody to talk to. The neighbor ran out of house screaming and called the police. I find getting out for long walks, and still talking to him help somewhat. I have a therapist I am talking to daily right now, but Im not sure if hes just telling me its not my fault just to make me feel better. Thankyou, Doug Overall May 27, 2016 at 3:16 pm Reply, Thank you for your posting. Friends went away, because they couldnt look at him, knowing they did nothing to help. Is my family right? Its been a long struggle to find peace and knowledge through it all, but it has helped me to help others, be cool and learn to live for you buddy. He had recently returned home after living with girl friend and her family for 3 years. I cry daily of course hiding it from my family. Mom said why whats wrong and my mind not working correctly and realizing my daughter that calls her mommy was standing right behind me screamed Bobbie shot herself and I think shes gone. i loved him and i do not think it is a selfish disease and i truly dont think it will ever stop because no one talks anymore and no one listens anymore. And I often connect these strange thoughts to what he might have been feeling or battling at the time. My Brother Killed Himself 7 Years Ago, and I Still Blame Myself. She had suffered this since a teenager, and was in and out of hospital. after that an officer pulled me to the side and asked a bunch of questions. I knew him better and have spent more time with him than with anyone else. She suffered from poorly-treated excruciating migraines. I didnt get to see her on Mothers Day and I will regret that and other things probably forever. About 5 minutes later, my dad walked into the room pointed a small caliber pistol point blank at my mothers head and pulled the trigger. We shared music, hobbies, worldviews, and we would talk about our dreams. Ashlyn October 9, 2017 at 12:00 am Reply, I just came across this still trying to come to terms with the loss of my father in June. Frank, I am so sorry for your losses. My brother took his life October 24,2016, he was just 30 years old. Myo refers to muscle, and Trophic means nourishment No muscle nourishment. When a muscle has no nourishment, it atrophies or wastes away. Press J to jump to the feed. The only sliver of information you have is the texts that you sent to him, so it makes sense that your brain is weighting them as especially significant. I wish there was more we could do to help from all the way across the Internet I do believe the National Alliance on Mental Illness has support groups as well as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Be kind to those around you and take the happiness life gives you. One of the hardest things in the world is mourning someone who is still alive. In the morning I ask him where he met Kim? "Just don't let him kill himself." Ruben's 18-year-old sibling rushed home and sprinted upstairs, screaming and slamming on his brother's locked door until the boy opened it, crying. 03 Mar 2023 08:46:10 I want to talk to him about COVID, about all the places I can drive now with my license, tell him about my job, and how Tom Bradys the GOAT. Linda My son took his life by hanging on 16th February this year. I had quite a different experience with the same well known geoup you mention. I started to grow a crush on her, and started to knock at his door often, but really it was only to spend time with Her. I have reached out to a counselor I know I need help. He was on his iPhone texting, and when I came into the room he slid the phone down. There is help for you but you need to seek it. Ill love you forever and will see you soon enough my love. Family members disagree about how they want to acknowledge the death publicly. I could have given my life for hers but, as a big sister, she took that idea. Brother of Marine Kareem Nikoui kills himself by memorial site Tina Lennon January 6, 2019 at 10:54 am Reply. I myself had began making plans to take my own life, when I couldnt deal with the constant Stress and deep depression that has taken over. I hate suicide for others but I believe that I have a right to decide my own fate. March 8th, 2018. Julie W December 12, 2020 at 12:05 pm Reply, My husband took his life after a long battle with mental illness. I was 25 at the time I became the biggest liqour abuser I have ever known and its only gotten worst . They had come for the weekend so their son could spend the weekend with his 8 year old. My Jaeson would be 23 years old in May, but yesterday he called me saying he was killing himself and that he would never see me again but he loved me. Im sorry.. The 1st year after his death I was ok kept myself busy, but in the years since I have become isolated from ppl and just dont want to do anything. But we both had different reasons for being that way to each other. I am married and my husband is supportive but our relationship was already on the edge before my brothers suicide. John Imboden October 17, 2020 at 11:18 am Reply. It cost him his life. Since his suicide I havent found anyone who I can relate to, this is a level of loneliness that I have nothing to compare to. She says she misses papa and my nephew tells her Daddy does too He saw my dads hat sitting in the room and said papa needs his hat. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time and what he did in a f****d up state doesnt mean you werent a good sister. I am trying, slowly, to read them all. I tell myself and other I had to let it go to God that night. Now I have an 11 week old son. but here I sit. I cannot describe my feelings, and I dont know what to do anymore. I thought he was handling it. But I dont want to put my children through that pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My brother killed himself when I was 12. Now I dont really get to see the grandkids and she has moved on. I tried to commit suicide more than once, twice while he was alive and three times since then. No booze of course. It started a few days before he died actually. I felt like a failure and thought everyone would be better off without me. He and I met many years ago, and we felt so intrigued-we recognized each other and wanted very much to date, but I was very scared and pulled away. LIVE in peace. My best friend of 10 years killed herself 3 weeks ago. One last I love you at the end of our phone call. Sounds strange, but it will being you back to this moment in time. I begged his family to help, but they didnt want to acknowledge his mental illness and addiction because that would damage their reputation. John Dearing January 11, 2019 at 4:07 am Reply. I lost it! She knew that and still forgave me for everything. My heart goes out to them. I just figured he meant bc of his weight and diabetes. He left 2 beautiful boys now 9 and 6. My daughter Nikki chose to leave this world sometime between January 2nd and January 6th 2019. I feel guilty for not spotting it. My cat, whom he was extremely fond of (and mutually reciprocated), died a couple months later I like to think they are spending time with each other. My former fiance took his life 1/2/12 by gunshot on his parents property ( they owned a ranch). I have been tormented, stalked, and blamed by my late Fiances friends and family. You are loved. My dad shot himself 10 years ago. There are no words. Childhood lasts a lifetime. Its okay to express it. My mom said he was talking until they closed the doors to the ambulance. Im a liar! I truly do. I never sought helpIve kept myself beyond busy as a distraction. My heart Stopped the moment i seen the gun right before i put it to his head. My only sibling. Said he wanted to deal with it his own way. In a journal he had kept he wrote she said it was 5 years of hell. I feel very guilty because I feel like because of me my children do not have a father. Who knows what was going on in his head but you two were living separate lives. My Son shot himself in the head in front of me Im losing my mind its been a year how are you coping? Im in another relationship now, and to the world outside, it appears that I have moved on. Let him know he isnt alone. like leaving him in the living room by himself for hours while she played video games or slept. Ride those waves and sit in the hurt. Tell him that it will get better, whatever problems you are having we can handle together. It is also okay not to feel angry. Fiona I am so sorry about your daughterI agree that life is so much more busy and complicated for young people todaythey need to learn coping skills, but sadly many dont and the madness of this technology, Facebook, etc keeps people from being really connected as they were in the past. I instantly took the No, that isnt true path. Please keep swimming. I lived with him for 6 years and still cannot fathom why he did this. im angry and im sad and i feel like im broken into a million little pieces. PTSD is real, and something that needs to be seriously addressed, well before it spirals and possibly turns deadly, as it did with my little sister. I feel I want to come together with others and so we can share stories. He made work fun and motivated us. Im angry that no one took him to a hospital in all these years (although for all I know they tried). But, it can be there Shame is prevalent for alot of survivors as well as guilt. I know this is of little comfort right nowpersonally, I know this to be so, because I cry incessantly for him everyday. I felt betrayed and cheated. I am still grieving for her. For some reason lately, I have been non stop crying over the death of my dad and everything he is missing out on. I realize that he always loved me, and I always loved him. If youre concerned, it never hurts to seek out a little support and psychoeducation from a therapist or counselor. Hes not alone, and if he were to go thru with something like this, he would deeply affect many people such as his family and friends. This article may be of some support https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-someone-you-didnt-like/. Devastating not only to us, and the others who witnessed it. Thank you for your content. I wish you a future filled with happiness that you make for yourself, and that you share with those you love. This girl, had been the closest friend to me. Before the ambulance or cops got there my poor baby brother. Stef December 13, 2018 at 2:57 am Reply. I met someone and moved to Vancouver and my daughter stayed in the place I rented for 20 yearsthen my daughteroh forget it it.. I keep having these feelings that her next marriage will end in the same result. Im so scared, but I dont think I can go through with it knowing I could hurt my kids so badly. I know youre trying to figure it out as we both have come to this website. I reminded her that I am always here for her despite the fact we dont see each other regularly (she was in school in DC and me in RI). Was diagnosed with leukemia on Friday, shot himself Monday. He was not in the best situation, and now during these depressing times it got even worse. Michele August 14, 2018 at 1:45 pm Reply. It is also okay not to feel angry. we were not fighting . Comes down to being told you have to see someone and get a prescription to fix your chemical inbalance of the brain. I ended my engagement; how could I marry if my best friend wasnt with me? He was overwhelmed and had poor coping skills and lack of a proper support system. (1983). Unfortunately I am there taking care of a mother always weeping which is a reminder at all times. A Letter to Parents Surviving a Child's Suicide The guilt I have is tremendous, part of me knows that he loves me and forgives, but the rest of my thoughts are so much loader. I miss the part of me that died with him. May God help me get through another day as each day is a challenge and no one knows just what his death has done to my soul. committed [kuh-mit-id] adjective bound or obligated to a person or thing, as by pledge or assurance; devoted: People who take their life dont want to die, they are desperate and see no other way to end their pain, or end the pain they feel they are causing people they love. He acknowledged and appreciated this. I dont say committed because it sounds like he is guilty of something. My moms suicide has taught me a lot about myself. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the death, things like complicated family dynamics, shifting roles, and different coping styles can test and challenge a family. Hugs and prayers to you, I hope you found a support group. We divorced 16 years ago and he married his latest mistress. Its not something in their vocabulary. My brother has killed himself. | Incels.is - Involuntary Celibate He also had drug use problems we did not know fully, i should have known. People say I am strong. He was 34 and had been battling something I will never understand. Dad if you read this, I will forever love you and cherish our moments together. After all these years, my fathers death still affects me. All that and more if I had been a good Momma to my beautiful little girl she would be here now.So why am I here? I believe that hed have taken his own life much sooner if it hadnt have been for me. my brother 26 years hung himself on 5th may 2021. i left for an interview with my mother and left him alone for 2 hours max i came back home called him out was looking for him couldnt feel him in his room. My dad killed himself 3 months ago. The last time I was home to visit, we went out for food with his girlfriend, where he told me his/their plans, hopes, and visions for what the future held. Your comment made me think of the episode. Please get help!!!!!! My husband has has to learn the hard way thru our sons suicide. Right now I talk from the other side of the glass. He would talk about how he wants to die and wants the pain to end, but I would always talk him out of it and say how he has so much potential. They were 14-15 when he took his life. My young son took his life at 16. She took her life when it wasnt expected I know its a different situation that you were in but I know the pain and Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loves all of us he doesnt want to see us in pain its the only way Ive been able to get through this and I know he loves you and he wants you into His life which is everlasting I know we never have to live this pain forever, Josie Evanson December 12, 2021 at 11:22 pm Reply, My wonderful bf just killed himself 7 days ago. He even sent me text messages to say I should pick up. My 36 yr old brother hung himself 19th January 2018. My 23 year old elder sister whom I loved the most in my life killed herself by suicide one month ago She was kind, loving, helpful, used to think about others happiness before her and was the best person in my life Life is just so hard after her for me and my whole familyI m just 19 but feel like ending my life too because that incident changed my life 360 degree I m depressed, guilty and all alone I feel I will never be happy in my life again and life has no meaning for me still for my family I wont do anything like this because they wont be able to take another shock The thing which hurts me the most is that to some extent I knew she was not ok due to her breakup and small family fights I tried to make her understand but it was not enough I should have understood her in better way She told no one in family but me and my cousin She used to say to me that I dont know if after your birthday I would be there or not but I didnt take it seriously and thought she is joking to tease me because she was so mature and so caring I thought she is elder than me and knows better this is not right and she killed her in the same month.. He was short and grumpy with me. Eventually, I offered to sign a document to allow him to stop paying me the last 5 years he still owed me if he would just send me a hardship document. Recently had been talking about marriage, figuring out moving in together one day and combining our lives together. He is the reason for the type of music I like, the movies and video games i like. It has been nine years since my girlfriend died, and I do sometimes enjoy things, though my outlook on life is still one of deep sadness and hopelessness. We are grappling with grief that has been paralyzing beyond comprehension. I hadnt heard from him and assumed he was busy with family and friends. There is no one or nothing to blame but the person you loved most. Thank u Houston, jasmine September 20, 2017 at 6:22 pm Reply. Why didnt she ask for help!! He had other mental issues with a traumatic Brain Injury. i remember just not believing it and i remember breaking down in my moms arms and it sucks it sucks so bad im so angry and upset i just miss him i want my older brother back. Sue, Anger is a common emotion after a suicide loss and I am sure New Years is especially hard. Always had a smile, Always wanted to make people laugh. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and please know it is never too late to get help many people, even many decades after a traumatic death are able to find some healing with the right support. I still cannot believe why despite his Shizophrenia he seemed to be getting better he would do this . No one knows it until they experience it. Please remember that often when we cant make sense of a situation, our brains often seek a cause. Im sorry for details. She chose to take her life, November 16, 2021, by shooting herself in the head. It has been 3 years since the love of my life took his life. He knew he needed to change and he was trying to. YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS WILL NOT BE PUBLISHED. I banged my forehead into a wall for a bit. Seventeen was a challenging year for me, you go through so many changes, but as you grow up, you realize that people act in certain ways for reasons that are totally unrelated to you, because of their own insecurities. While that seems crazy to most people, we find it shockingly healing. I live far away from my family and now Im Back home feeling so much pain and feeling lonely. The decline was shocking, and no combination of medication seemed to work. I realised how severely depressed she was and it was heartbreaking to see. I know she was stubborn and had a strong spirit desperately trying to escape a diseased brain that was dealing with way to many issues. He refused to move. My mom was mentally ill for years following a stroke. Can I kindly ask if you know which books helped you? I didnt think anything much of that phone call because I assumed I would be seeing my friend the following week. There arent enough resources or even training for professionals on these matters. It breaks my heart that so many others felt the same way as my brother. And I blame myself for not going to see him that week. I have considered suicide over and over and over again. What Ive learned in the past year is that ever though life is extremely painful, it is worth living. Jane, your words are literally helping me not make the choice your dad did. Im really sorry Alfy. I knew it was an electrician we had called because her power was out in her little playhouse, a building we gave her with a loft and TV .Well I answered the front door, began talking to the electrician about the power, a breaker needed replaced. Thats not the point though. Its okay to express it. Until now that i am 24 years old. So much unnecessary pain. I never thought this was gonna happen. I tried to let him know people cared and that he was a great person and i don't even remember what I all said. My mom ended her life on 05/20/2018 I found her she still had a pulse I was on the phone screaming at 911 to get here fast I heard my mom take her last breath knowing there was nothing I could do to save her because she shot herself in the head behind her right ear and she was taking a blood thinner, the Sheriff finally showed up like 30 minutes later and then the ambulance I was standing outside bawling trying to understand why the officer came outside to me and told me he was sorry for my loss I just hit the ground screaming no and crying my eyes out. I lost my brother to a self inflicted gunshot wound 2 years ago on July 11, 2016. Remember to take one moment or one day at a time. Love you my darling girl. Nobody wants to hear that descriptive phrase. I found myself thinking OK, I was abused as a baby,a child , a wife now Im elderly and my own daughter!So I had a hard time moving past it and instead of trying to understand why she might be doing this I became angry.